B'rd (Benson Road Deli)

"Bad Bite at B'rd anyone?"
3/10***

B’rd which I have always known as Benson Road Deli was locked in my memory as a nice brunch destination with good food and service. But today it felt like watching an episode of Macgyver again... no where near as good as I remembered it.

The location is still great and the decor has that contemporary industrial cafe feel that was popular 5 years ago, polished concrete floors stainless steel counter and bar tops, with a touch of antique wood to give it that little splash of personality and character. Most of it’s character however comes from it’s location, next door to the cute Bay Tree gift shop and the fantastically fresh florist... the character definitely does not come from the staff!

Upon arrival I spotted what is usually a great trait... that illustrious Allpress window sticker! yum. We entered and passed a counter of delicious food, most of which had no label displayed so it wasn’t really clear what the fillings and prices were.

The staff were cold. The girl taking our order looked at me and acted like “Hurry up, I haven’t got all day” First I ordered a Latte, to which she turned and walked a few steps away?... “Ahh did she hear me?” She returned only to stare at me “...and?”
I could’ve almost laughed... And?... And!... I didn’t even know if she heard the Latte order?
I thought, I don’t want to end up with extra Lattes, how can I be clear here... “As well as that Latte...” that should be clear enough “I will also have the big breakfast, scrambled (Sophie’s) the savory mince on toast (mine) with a side of avocado and a side of hash brown.” (mine and mine) She slid over a number with little more than eye contact let alone a thank you.

We took our number (I thought businesses were all trying to make people not feel like numbers?) and perched ourselves at the stainless steel bar top. Paying first is also a bit uncomfortable for a cafe of this supposed reputation and calibre as for me it suggests a slight lack of trust. Table service would be far more personal and really improve the experience, and believe me there is a lot of room for that. The coffees arrived and from the moment they placed them in front of us I knew that if Michael Allpress himself saw these he would revoke their license to steam. They were big too, unusual for an Allpress outlet, these were more Coffee Club-esque. The taste was average at best.

Shortly after the coffee arrival came our brunch. The scrambled eggs on the big breakfast were more like a block of solid egg bake, the mince was on soft bread and soft bread is simply not toast. And the sides were missing. I don’t really know if I expected anything different? I was confused as it was possible the waitress was only able to carry two plates and had gone back for the sides, but who would know when their communication is about as forthcoming as dividends in a recession!

5 minutes later and a few mouthfuls into my mince it is clear that my sides are missing in action. My fiance offers to ask the counter girl who took our order where they are. Her response word for word... “you should’ve had them.” What does this mean? Yes, we SHOULD’VE had them but obviously we haven’t. Is she getting them? should I wait for them while my mince goes cold? I really have no idea what to think... “Are you able to get them for us?” reasonable as we have already paid for them. The girl (again without words) turns and walks into the kitchen. What is going on?! This is beyond a joke, as you can gather, the service is abominable.

The sides arrive (or should I say side) and I am glad that I will be able to share them with my last 4 mouthfuls however it’s only the side of hash brown, still no avocado. The side was flung down in front of us as though she was throwing a hubcap like a frizbee. I’m sure they serve food with more finesse than this in prison. This is ridiculous and as we have already paid in full we finish the balance of our incomplete and slightly average meals and leave. On the way out we see their street sign with the dirty saggy balloon attached. It always amazes me when cafes and restaurants miss the little things. It’s like a restaurant with a grotty, dirty menu displayed out by the footpath. Don’t they realise that this is a first impression? If this dirty little ballon is any indication as to the cleanliness of their kitchen I am worried about what i have just ingested.

Not one I will be rushing back too but who knows maybe next time we try B’rd it will be like watching Pearl Harbour again... I expect it to be shit and kind of know what’s coming so perhaps I will see something I might like that goes beyond that expectation? I think not likely though.

Bad coffee, terrible service, average pre paid food, incomplete delivery to the table, good location and surrounding shops but overall not somewhere I would frequent.